A long time ago, when you were a wee thing, you learned something, some way to cope, something that, if you did it, would help you survive. It wasn’t the healthiest thing, it wasn’t gonna get you free, but it was gonna keep you alive. You learned it, at five or six, and it worked, it *did* help you survive. You carried it with you all your life, used it whenever you needed it. It got you out—out of your assbackwards town, away from an abuser, out of range of your mother’s un-love. Or whatever. It worked for you. You’re still here now partly because of this thing that you learned. The thing is, though, at some point you stopped needing it. At some point, you got far enough away, surrounded yourself with people who love you. You survived. And because you survived, you now had a shot at more than just staying alive. You had a shot now at getting free. But that thing that you learned when you were five was not then and is not now designed to help you be free. It is designed only to help you survive. And, in fact, it keeps you from being free. You need to figure out what this thing is and work your ass off to un-learn it. Because the things we learn to do to survive at all costs are not the things that will help us get FREE. Getting free is a whole different journey altogether.
one of the things i like about finnish is that it has a list of individual verbs for “to translate in X language”, such as :
- suomentaa (translate in finnish, from ‘suomi’)
- englannintaa (translate in english, from ‘englanti’)
- ranskantaa (translate in french, from ‘ranska’)
- ruotsintaa (translate in swedish, from ‘ruotsi’)
the verbs are all based on the word referring to the language in question. that’s just a small sample. such a nice system
additional fun fact: on top of this productive usage, the same suffix can also be used to derive a bunch of other verbs of creation including
- kaksi “two” → kahdentaa “to duplicate smth”
- muu “other” → muuntaa “to transform smth”
- paikka “place” → paikantaa “to locate”
- para(s) “best” → parantaa “to heal, to improov smth”
- paska “shit” → paskantaa “to take a huge shit”
- täysi “full” → täydentää “to supplement with smth”
(these are generally amusing to interpret from the “to translate into X” angle)
rrrr nothing like attempting to work on longer textposts to remind me how bloated & laggy tumblr’s interface is, and how old my computer is
(tbh I could use a new laptop, and it’d probably also help on separating work/leisure time)
Population of Pakistan: 179 million, or 1 killing per 206,000
Population of US: 313 million, or 1 killing per 285,000
Which means that proportionally, Pakistani women are 72% more likely to die than American women.
Feminists really should involve themselves more in STEM fields, if only to avoid making inane statistical arguments like these.
The statistics she gives sound implausible. Pakistan is a country where acid attacks are not uncommon, honour killings in Pakistan are have been described by Pakistani women themselves as an “epidemic,” female infanticide is on the rise (about 1,200 babies were killed in 2010, most of them girls), and there are 109 men to every 100 women in Pakistan compared to 97 men per 100 women in the US.
Furthermore, the “869 women killed since 2013” (a suspiciously precise number) is likely an underestimation. According to DNA India:
The number of honour killings in Pakistan are estimated to be around 2,500 to 3,000 cases every year. However, the report states that a good number of such cases still go unreported or are passed off as suicides and only 25% of these are brought to justice.
In addition, Judy Haiven is comparing apples to oranges. An honour killing is:
[T]he homicide of a member of a family or social group by other members, due to the perpetrators’ belief that the victim has brought shame or dishonor upon the family or community, usually for reasons such as refusing to enter an arranged marriage, being in a relationship that is disapproved by their relatives, having sex outside marriage, becoming the victim of rape, dressing in ways which are deemed inappropriate, or engaging in homosexual relations.
Clearly, an “honour killing” is a narrower subset of women being killed by their husbands, so comparing it to the rate of the latter is not a fair comparison. A paper by Robert D. Hansar called "Cross-Cultural Examination of Domestic Violence in China and Pakistan" puts the number of women killed by domestic violence in Pakistan at about 5000 per year (greatly more than the “869 since 2013”). Also note that the population of the US is about 70% larger than Pakistan, putting the rate of women killed by their husbands about 5 times higher in Pakistan.
To her credit, Haiven seems to have somewhat underestimated the number of women killed by their intimate partners in the US, this BJS paper puts the number (in 2007) at about 1640 victims per year. The statistics for men being killed by an intimate partner are a little under half that, at 700.
This discrepancy between men and women could be viewed as the patriarchy in action, however in my view it seems much more likely that the difference is explainable by different innate aggression levels. Men are much more likely to commit a violent crime, regardless of the gender of their victim. For instance, men represent 90% of all murderers (while men also represent 80% of all murder victims). So male-to-female murder ratio is ~2 between intimate partners, and ~9 among the general population.
If it is even necessary to point this out, none of this is meant to excuse male violence towards their intimate partners in the US (which has thankfully declined by 34% from 1993 to 2007).
The thought of writing a post to this effect had passed my mind around the time this was previously going around my dash but I’m happy to see this has already been done in detail.
(citation needed on attributing the aggression gap as entirely innate, though; this fails to explain worldwide differences, and the existence of gender roles is not an idle hypothesis)
It’s messing people up, this social pressure to “find your passion” and “know what it is you want to do”. It’s perfectly fine to just live your moments fully, and marvel as many small and large passions, many small and large purposes enter and leave your life. For many people there is no realization, no bliss to follow, no discovery of your life’s purpose. This isn’t sad, it’s just the way things are. Stop trying to find the forest and just enjoy the trees.